


Soil to bury, soil to build

by peculiairyties (ItsAiryBro)



Series: Green means Growth [3]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Canon Divergent future, Experimental writing, Feels, Friends to Lovers, M/M, endgame IwaOi dont worry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-26
Updated: 2020-12-26
Packaged: 2021-03-11 00:33:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,377
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28336221
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ItsAiryBro/pseuds/peculiairyties
Summary: He is loved by everyone, adored by everyone. Especially by you.But also by his boyfriend.
Relationships: Iwaizumi Hajime/Oikawa Tooru
Series: Green means Growth [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1245866
Comments: 4
Kudos: 16





	Soil to bury, soil to build

He is shining and strong and magnificent. He is your best friend. He is loved by everyone, adored by everyone. Especially by you.

But also by his boyfriend.

You see him hold hands that aren’t yours, kiss lips that aren’t yours and you hurt and hurt and hurt because he pets hair that isn’t yours and hugs a body that isn’t yours.

He loves a man that isn’t you. 

He is your best friend your oldest confidant your childhood memories your future plans. He is a presence in your life as certain as the stars in the sky, the water in the ocean and the rocks in the earth. He is your lodestone, your north star, your finishing line.

You are not his.

He always comes running when you need him, is always ready to help pick you back up when you can’t by yourself, he is always there and he tells you he always will be. You believe him, because he never breaks his promises. He was there to wipe your tears when you were seven and fell in the mud and he was there to carry you home when you were seventeen and you blew out your knee and he was there to get you to a hospital when you were 21 and accidentally overdosed on alcohol. You know he will be there to help you when you’re thirty and in a shitty situation again. You know because that is the type of man he is and that’s one of the reasons you love him so. 

He laughs with you and smiles at you and talks to you and hugs you. He yells at you and bickers with you and drinks with you and scolds you. He is warm and solid at your side. You lean on his shoulder and he lets you. You lie down on his lap and he lets you. He walks you home and carries you to bed, he puts you in pajamas and pulls the covers over you. He says goodnight and calls you a drunk dumbass but he wishes you restful sleep and watches your eyes droop closed. 

He will stay if you ask.

He has someone waiting for him.

You don’t ask.

He jogs with you and eats with you and plays volleyball with you, he lives half his life at your side, yet he does not think to give you the other half.

You don’t know why, and you are afraid to find out, so you don’t ask.

His boyfriend is dependable, smart, handsome and charming and loves him dearly and cares for him deeply. All these qualities apply to you too and yet he does not choose you.

You think it’s better not to ask.

_ You should have asked _ .

You rue the missed opportunities and the perfect moments where you could have told him but didn’t, should have asked him but didn’t. You were confident that he would be there with you forever so you thought you could take your sweet time to tell him how you feel, because what was the point of hurrying when the clock wasn’t counting down? He is still there and he will always be there, but now it’s not the way you want him to be, because your clock went from eternity to zero in a moment that lasted as long as it took him to say “I'm dating someone” and now you are doomed with expired words lodged in your throat that you can neither swallow nor spit.

You should have asked.

You didn’t. 

_ Coward _ .

It used to be him and you, you and him. Now it’s him and someone else, and then you, graciously invited along because he knows you will be lonely and his boyfriend knows you will be lonely so they don’t mind you coming with them to movies and dinners. They say they’re just hanging out but you know this was supposed to be a date and you’re third wheeling so hard it’s pathetic. But you still go when he asks you because you  _ are _ pathetic and you can’t let go even when you know you should. You feel like mud tacked on his shoes that he doesn’t mind. He is not all yours anymore. You must share him with another, and it stings and burns because this is all your fault, you should have said something, you should have said  _ anything _ . 

Three words would have been enough. 

“Don’t date him”

“Please date me”

“I love you”

“You can’t date him because you’re mine, I loved you first so you should date me instead” isn’t as short but it certainly would get your point across.

It doesn’t matter anymore, because you can never say them anyway, not when he is happy and cared for and having fun.

You are jealous of the man that captured his heart but not maliciously so. He does his best and he is kind and caring and makes him happy and you are glad because of all the people you could have lost him to, he is certainly not the worst. You’re too petty to call him the best.

So you hold your words in your throat and try to swallow them the best you can and hope no one notices you choking. 

No one does, and you are grateful and disappointed. 

-

“I want to talk to you, it’s important, come meet me,” he says, and it worries you so you put on clothing without bothering to check if it makes a cohesive outfit and you go where he tells you.

You get there and he is sitting with a cup of coffee in his hands, and when he looks at you, you know you’ve been found out.

“You’re in love with me,” he says, straightforward because he doesn’t have time for bullshit and mental gymnastics and that’s another reason you love him so. 

You stare at your hands in your lap because you can’t speak past the words in your throat. Except it’s not just words anymore its years worth of longing and fondness and friendship and adoration and loyalty, bubbling in your throat like stomach acids and morning’s coffee.

“I broke up with him,” he says, and it startles you so much you look at him, see him return your dumbstruck gaze with a placid face and finally, finally the bubbles die down a little so you can get some words out.

“But why?” You ask.

“Because you love me,” he says and there's nothing you can do but blink at him with your mouth open, your brain chanting but why, but why, but why, but why.

“But why?”

“We've never ever been simple friends, have we, Shittykawa. We should have figured this out ages ago.  _ I _ should have figured this out ages ago. I’m sorry.”

You swallow and keep quiet because you don't know what is happening. Words are difficult and speech is difficult and your existence is difficult, and confusing.

He hears the question that you don't even know how to ask, because he is your best friend and he can read you like the morning paper and that's another reason you love him so. “Because you love me, and I'm not sure what I feel yet but I want to find out. I think we deserve a chance to see if things will work out the way we want them to. Do you want that?”

The words can't get past the bubbles in your throat so they escape through your eyes instead, trailing down your face in big briny rivulets that won’t stop. 

“Goddamnit Oikawa,” he says, leaning forward to mop your face with a tissue before simply coming around to pull you into a hug. You hold onto him for dear life, uncaring of who is watching; you hold on to him and never want to let him go ever. You hold onto him and sob into his shoulder like you have before, but this time you know you are more relieved than you are anything else, because this is Iwaizumi Hajime and he is your best friend your oldest confidant your childhood memories your future plans. He is your lodestone, your north star, your finishing line.

And maybe now, you can be his.

**Author's Note:**

> This is really old, and I wanted it out of my drafts. It was supposed to be part 5 of the series, but I suppose it doesn't matter much.  
> This was very much inspired by Ky's [2nd person POV KuroDai fic](https://archiveofourown.org/works/17781326). I recommend you read it, it's lovely. I saw it and immediately wanted to see if i could do it, and I was _deep_ in my IwaOi feels at the time, so this happened.  
> Comments appreciated, as always. Thanks for reading!  
> [Twitter](https://twitter.com/ItsAiryBro)


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